With everything we say and do, we're influencing—positively or
negatively—the people we care about. The ideal is to do this
with consideration and intention. Here are ten ways you can help
others see and realize the best that's within them.

1. Believe in Them
We all have self-doubts from time to time. Our confidence is
shaken. We lack the faith in our talents and skills to go for an
important promotion or launch a new initiative. Having someone
believe in you at these times is priceless. The stories of great
men and women are saturated with examples of someone who
believed in them even when they didn't fully believe in
themselves.

2. Encourage Them
"You can do it." "I know you can." These are words that are all-
too-infrequently voiced. Sincere encouragement can go a long way
in helping someone stay the course. The more specific you are,
the better the results. "I remember when you got through your
slump last year and ended up winning the sales contest. I'm
willing to bet that you'll do even better this time."

3. Expect a Lot
We're often told not to get our hopes up. We're encouraged to
have REALISTIC expectations. But when it comes to helping others
operate at their best, we sometimes have to up-level our
expectations. This can be taken to extremes, but there are many
times when a teacher, a parent or even a boss has required more
of us than we thought we were capable. And we've risen to the
challenge which enabled us to see further than before.

4. Tell the Truth
And tell it with compassion. We often avoid telling the hard
truth because we don't want to upset anyone. We want to be NICE.
But telling the truth is a loving act. You may be the only
person who can or will say to another what needs to be said. And
you can confront someone without being combative. See Top Ten
Ways to Confront Without Being Combative.

5. Be a Role Model
One of the best ways we influence is by our own actions. Who we
are speaks much more loudly than what we say. Don't think that
people aren't watching you. They are. And they're registering
everything about you consciously and unconsciously. We
automatically emulate our role models. And we're ALL role models
to someone so let's be good ones.

6. Share Yourself
Too often, we miss the value of sharing our failings. We don't
want to be vulnerable so we hold back. In doing so, we deprive
others of our experience, our learning and our humanity. When
you share from your own experience—especially your failures—you
increase empathy, you're more approachable and you increase your
reliability to others.

7. Challenge Them
The word "challenge" has some negative connotations. The
meaning we're using here is, "a test of one's abilities or
resources in a demanding but stimulating undertaking." We all
need to be challenged from time to time. Doing it for another is
an art form. Go too far and it will backfire. Go too easy and
you will appear patronizing. Remind people of their commitment
to being their best and state your challenge. "I challenge you
to overcome these unimportant opinions and get on with the real
task at hand, get the job done, make the commitment, etc."

8. Ask Good Questions
A good therapist or coach doesn't tell their clients what to
do. They ask good questions in order for the client to
understand themselves better, to get clear on what the issue is
and from there to make good choices. You can do the same. By
asking elegant questions, you cause people to think and come up
with solutions. They'll appreciate it. Gary Lockwood has a good
article about this called Asking Intelligent Questions with
Impact.

9. Acknowledge Them
You find what you're looking for. If you're looking for the
best in someone, you'll see it. If you're looking for their
failings, you'll see those. Catch people doing things right and
tell them. When we acknowledge the good deeds of others, they
tend to do more of them. Write a note. Send a card. Give them a
call. Praise them in front of others.

10. Spend Time with Them
We love what we give our time to. By devoting your most
precious resource (time) to another individual, you're showing
them that you truly value them and your relationship with them.
Invest time in your relationships; it's what life is made of.

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Copyright 2000 Michael E. Angier, used with permission.

Michael Angier is the founder and president of Success Networks
International, publishers of SUCCESS STRATEGIES, INSIGHT and
SUCCESS DIGEST. Success Net is an association committed to
helping people to be more knowledgeable, productive and
effective. Their mission is to inform, inspire and empower
people to be their best—personally and professionally. Free
subscriptions, memberships, books and SuccessMark™ Cards are
available at http://www.successnet.org Win-Win Way, PO Box 2048,
South Burlington, Vermont 05407-2048 USA 802.862.0812
success@successnet.org   http://www.successnet.org

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