1. As a new mother, you are likely to be exhausted
       and under stress, and to experience emotional
       highs and lows.

    The postpartum experience is one of peaks and
      valleys. As in any transition, there will be losses as
      well as gains. At times you may question your
      ability to mother well. Your relationships with
      friends and significant others will likely change.
      You may feel very isolated and you may miss some
      aspects of life before baby's arrival. New mothers
      typically report experiencing the full range of
      emotions--from elation to joy, to pride and a sense
      of spiritual expansion, to jealousy, anger, guilt, and
      frustration. A sense of ambivalence during the first
      months of your baby's life is not a sign that you are
      a poor or uncaring mother. On the contrary, it is a
      sign that you are deeply aware of the significance
      of this experience and that you are allowing your
      love for this child to change and deepen your
      sense of who you really are.

   2. Your expectations of motherhood may not match
       your reality.

      The images that you might have had of
      motherhood, garnered from the media, had you
      believing that nearly every minute spent with your
      new bundle of joy would be peaceful, joyful, and
      fulfilling. Yet caring for a child is difficult,
      emotionally demanding, and frequently boring
      work. It is likely to come as a shock when you find
      that you were ill prepared for just how demanding
      your infant could be. You might find yourself feeling
      frustrated by the repetitive nature of the tasks (for
      as soon as you have diapered, clothed, and fed
      your baby, it is time to repeat the cycle). You might
      miss the social interaction that you enjoyed at the
      office or the intellectual stimulation of your job. No
      matter how much you love your child, it is perfectly
      normal to admit you are not necessarily enamored
      of the role of full-time at-home mom.

   3. You may find yourself so enthralled with
       your little one that your love affair with the baby
       begins to eclipse your love affair with your
       husband.

      Many new mothers find that their needs to be
      touched and adored have been satisfied by the
      interaction that they have with their babies. Yet their
      husbands long for the intimacy they once enjoyed
      with their wives. It may seem as if finding time for
      adult conversation or romantic nights alone
      requires too much effort and energy, but unless a
      couple puts forth a concerted effort to keep the
      romance alive, the arrival of a baby can mark the
      end of passion and the beginning of something
      more akin to a "sibling/best-friend" relationship.
      Keep in mind that one of the greatest gifts you can
      give to your children is the model of a successful
      marriage--one in which both partners listen,
      respond to, and support one another. Although it
      might seem difficult to imagine now, it is really in
      your child's best interest for you to set aside time
      without your child so that you can continue to
      nurture your marriage. 

   4. You may have to work to stay connected to other
       aspects of your "personhood."

      It is so easy for a new mother to get swept away by
      this new role and to lose herself somewhat in the
      process. Therefore, it is essential that you make it a
      point to carve out some time for the activities that
      meant a lot to you prior to motherhood. By
      reserving a bit of time for enjoyable and
      rejuvenating activities, you will find it easier to
      share yourself with your child during the rest of the
      week. One suggestion is to reserve one evening a
      week where one of the parents can have time for
      him or herself. The other spouse is then
      responsible for all child and home care for a set
      amount of time, which provides each parent both
      with quality time with the child as well as some very
      vital personal time.

   5. The best gift you can give to everyone around you
       (especially your children and your spouse) is the
       gift of caring for yourself.

      Not only is your own self-care a gift to yourself--it is
      an absolute necessity for the health and well-being
      of your loved ones. While most new mothers will
      stop at nothing to ensure that their children's
      needs are met, these same women behave as if
      they can deny they own needs indefinitely. The
      reality of motherhood is that you can only share as
      much love and nurturing as you yourself are
      receiving. It is essential that all mothers ask for help
      and support on a regular basis in order to replenish
      themselves and to build up their reserves of energy
      and love. Once your needs are met you'll have so
      much more to share with your family.